Anything but ordinary

If I had one wish it would be that when I die I will be remembered for being "anything but ordinary"......I don't feel ordinary.....I don't feel special in any way but ordinary, no way.........

Yesterday I went to the beach in the morning and spent about 2 hours enjoying the sun and the ocean and the peace and solitude of Maui...it really is a calming, safe and serene place to live......people are so laid back and nice here.....the beach is the one place I really dont mind doing alone.....in fact I like going alone......i prefer going alone......yesterday was an especially nice day...no winds, calm ocean perfect to swim and paddle board (of course the surfers here aren't happy when its like this but I love it!)

So yesterday I sat on the beach all the while knowing that I had to leave at some point and go to the lab..... I have to go for labs every few weeks now.....usually about 12 viles....5 techs.....6 different sticks....why? Who knows why it is so hard to draw blood from me the last several months, but it is certainly no fun. I used to be able to go in for a quick stick and it was finished....now it is a traumatic experience every single time.

I usually distract myself by texting on the phone. Yesterday one of the techs said 'Please put your phone away" and I said ABSOLUTELY NOT......this helps me get through the torture of this experience. She got it....she nodded....and again she apologized for putting me thru this yet again.....it is certainly not her fault...or the 4 other techs that wander in to "help"

This time they tried to get me to leave after drawing only 3 viles saying maybe I should come back tomorrow for the rest...I said ABSOLUTELY NOT....Im not leaving until we are finished here cause I am NOT spending my tomorrow doing this yet again.....the girls are always so nice to me.....I can see they feel badly every time. And I also see the victory in their eyes when they actually find a vein that works! LOL

I wonder what it must be like to be a lab tech? I wonder how it feels to see sick people all the time. My friend Lisamarie was recently diagnosed with cancer and she is a mere 23 yrs old.....when I think of people who are suffering so much more then i am it makes me feel guilty for complaining.  When I hear about young children suffering from cancer I feel so aweful for them and their families....I do what I can to help support them....I try to arrange a good band for their fundraisers, or donate money to their funds.....I try to spread the word to help them raise more funds because I NOW the expenses involved for a person who is sick. The last thing a sick person or their family needs to worry about is money during such a horrific time....

But its not enough....I still feel sorry for myself....I hate admitting that. I hate that so many years of my life were wasted on being sick....I hate the 5 months have elapsed since I heard the dr say those horrible words and I am STILL not on the list yet....but I am hopeful it will be soon.....I finally have more appts lined up over the next two weeks here on Maui ...all part of the eval process.....so things are actually moving along....not at light speed, more like an injured snail fighting his way across the dessert speed but still moving forward.....

Ok enough ramblings from me for today....its a Saturday  and Im sure Austin has a LOT more  drama in store for me on 6th St (a typlical weekend in my life is at least 3 cancellations, a late band, equipment breaking...you know....the morn...at least 12 texts ranging from GREAT night! to Im gonna shoot myself in the head if I have to hear one more second of this crap! LOLOL.....why did I decide to be in the music business again? Someone quick remind me........ahhh nevermind....Im gonna head to the ocean and read a good book....