Change here I come!

Life is funny. So many different kinds of people in this world. I come across a whole wide range of personalities every day.

One of the things I learn on a daily basis is about Karma. I truly believe that what you put out into our universe comes back to you. When you are negative, negative things happen. When you are positive , positive things is your reward.

Im working really hard at staying positive. Some days are easier then others. I try to be kind to people and I try even harder to help as many people as I can. It makes me curious when sometimes the more you do for certain people that the more they expect. And sometimes without any appreciation at all. No one likes to be taken advantage of or taken for granted. And I am learning that I REALLY dislike being treated that way.

If I start to become stricter and more cautious about how I conduct business, it is  to avoid this happening any longer.  Im pretty tired of being a babysitter to so many in my life. Its hard enough managing my own problems and dealing with my own issues that adding on so many others neediness is draining the life out of me. I clean up after so many every day that I wonder who's life am I living here??

I think there are many times that I go WAY over and above the call of duty and then I find myself complaining about it....who is to blame for that? ME! If I continue to allow it, I will never have any type of peace and balance in my life. Helping needy children is one thing and there is great glory and satisfaction in paying it forward...helping people who are just too damn lazy to do it themselves or expect everything to be done for them for free is just obnoxious and stupid.

Now I am not saying that I plan to stop helping and doing for others....I wouldn't be me and I couldn't live a life like that, but I refuse to be taken advantage of any longer. And the time given to me is MINE, not anyone elses. MINE. 

I won't tolerate lying. I CERTAINLYwill not tolerate meanness. Not from my family, friends , coworkers ...no one....I will NOT  be told what to do. ("Ask" all you want, but do NOT demand it or expect it)  I will not cater to the "me, me , me , me , me, me" people of this world anymore! 

I also will not be made to feel guilty anymore. Guilty is a complete waste of energy....especially when you have nothing to be guilty about! 

I WILL begin to put a cap on hours I put in and start taking better care of myself. My grandmother used to always say to me God helps those who help themselves. I guess it is time to start helping myself. I need to eat healthier, exersize, work less, play more, join some type of groups that are not music or health related.....and start making the most out of the time I have here on Earth. 

.

In other words I plan to start showing MYSELF respect! :)

If there is one thing missing from my life its joy.....I want my job and my bliss...and I want to get healthy, have my surgery and get on with the life I was supposed to be living. Sick of being the sick one.  Sick of spending every waking hour working on someone elses bliss! (or rather, 55 other people's bliss!) LOL

Thanks for listening to me ramble as I am knee deep in SXSW crap.....yes I am....its called the last volunteer week of my life! hahaha

Until next time.....

This one is NOT going to be pretty...well most of it anyway!

So today is the big day! The day the Transplant Center gets to resubmit me to Circa....I spoke to them on Tuesday when she said she had ONE form that my pcp needed to sign and fax back to her and as long as she got that she was good to go to fax it all....the insurance has approved me evaluation  and now all I need is for Circa to give it to their medical director to give the green light for my evaluation! Yay right? NOPE! Why you ask???

Cause the dumb-ass that is my PCP on Maui has not filled out, signed nor faxed the form....in fact when I called to check on the status today, his assistant told me she cant even FIND the form! UGH! The incompetence is staggering......

Well, I guess it was my last straw because I yelled at this poor girl and told her to call Shawna at Transplant at Queens TODAY, get that form TODAY, get it filled out signed and faxed TODAY and call me to let me know it is done....she said as quietly as a mouse "ok" I even had to give her the phone number and name to call!

Now do I even remotely believe this will happen today? Of course not! But I can assure you of this much, if it doesn't I will be on the phone with the medical board reporting this and demanding changes! I am so freaking tired of this run around. Dammit Im sick....I need help...I need a transplant....I deserve at LEAST an opportunity to be listed for one dont I??
On a nicer note I received this email yesterday....made me cry.....

(I have bleeped out certain peoples names and work places since that would not be nice to share...)


"Dear Tammy,

Hi!  I just wanted to let you know what an encouragement you have been to me.  You are such an example of strength.  

I met you about a year and a half ago while I worked for a man who had several companies, ______.  At the time, when I visited with you (I worked in an independent contractor capacity as his Office Manager at the time), you peaked my interest about the music industry and your work with it.  I absolutely loved what I did but had thought of the prospect of having my own company.  I loved the fact that you traveled and could still conduct your business in another state (I was born in Hawaii - so that was pretty awesome)!   Anyway, since then, I have opened up a company with 2 other partners, producing fireworks displays and other special effects.  I did say, I absolutely loved the industry that I was working in and never in a million years would I have thought I would be doing this, but I certainly needed to pursue it.

After that, I continued to follow up with what was being done with the Austin Boston concert, ________

Well, the main reason that I am emailing is because I came across your blog and had followed your story for a while.  I have continued to pray for you and wanted to share that whether you know it or not, you have made an impact on people that you probably aren't even aware of and quite possibly in ways that you never figured on.

You were a delight at the time I met you and I believe that you have touched many lives.  Keep on believing!  There is purpose in all that you do.

If I ever come across a band that needs a talent agent, I will send them your way.

Thanks again!

T____ W_____"

Thank so so much for brightening my day! What a wonderful letter.....makes me realize that no matter how hard things seem to get, there ARE people paying attention and in my corner....and to know that I have impacted someones life to make a huge change and take a risk and a chance to find their happiness makes me feel GREAT!

Will let you all know what happens next!

Thanks for listening!

T