One of the things I learn on a daily basis is about Karma. I truly believe that what you put out into our universe comes back to you. When you are negative, negative things happen. When you are positive , positive things is your reward.
Im working really hard at staying positive. Some days are easier then others. I try to be kind to people and I try even harder to help as many people as I can. It makes me curious when sometimes the more you do for certain people that the more they expect. And sometimes without any appreciation at all. No one likes to be taken advantage of or taken for granted. And I am learning that I REALLY dislike being treated that way.
If I start to become stricter and more cautious about how I conduct business, it is to avoid this happening any longer. Im pretty tired of being a babysitter to so many in my life. Its hard enough managing my own problems and dealing with my own issues that adding on so many others neediness is draining the life out of me. I clean up after so many every day that I wonder who's life am I living here??
I think there are many times that I go WAY over and above the call of duty and then I find myself complaining about it....who is to blame for that? ME! If I continue to allow it, I will never have any type of peace and balance in my life. Helping needy children is one thing and there is great glory and satisfaction in paying it forward...helping people who are just too damn lazy to do it themselves or expect everything to be done for them for free is just obnoxious and stupid.
Now I am not saying that I plan to stop helping and doing for others....I wouldn't be me and I couldn't live a life like that, but I refuse to be taken advantage of any longer. And the time given to me is MINE, not anyone elses. MINE.
I won't tolerate lying. I CERTAINLYwill not tolerate meanness. Not from my family, friends , coworkers ...no one....I will NOT be told what to do. ("Ask" all you want, but do NOT demand it or expect it) I will not cater to the "me, me , me , me , me, me" people of this world anymore!
I also will not be made to feel guilty anymore. Guilty is a complete waste of energy....especially when you have nothing to be guilty about!
I WILL begin to put a cap on hours I put in and start taking better care of myself. My grandmother used to always say to me God helps those who help themselves. I guess it is time to start helping myself. I need to eat healthier, exersize, work less, play more, join some type of groups that are not music or health related.....and start making the most out of the time I have here on Earth.
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In other words I plan to start showing MYSELF respect! :)
If there is one thing missing from my life its joy.....I want my job and my bliss...and I want to get healthy, have my surgery and get on with the life I was supposed to be living. Sick of being the sick one. Sick of spending every waking hour working on someone elses bliss! (or rather, 55 other people's bliss!) LOL
Thanks for listening to me ramble as I am knee deep in SXSW crap.....yes I am....its called the last volunteer week of my life! hahaha
Until next time.....
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